10. Starbucks Coffee at the Northern end of Macapagal Ave.
There are at least three Starbucks Coffee branches that sit in the wide open Macapagal Avenue, the road in Pasay that connects the huge SM Mall of Asia to the main parts of the city. The most noted branch, however, is the one at the far northern end of the road, alone in a small building.
Why is it creepy?
The land that the Macapagal Avenue stands is reclaimed land, or otherwise bits of land that workers dug up from a quarry and dumped into the shoreline, giving “fake” land. Since the land is just dumped there and “glued” to the original landmass, it is possible that the reclaimed land can drift away, break apart, or sink. Also, its softness and brittleness gives way to accidents in construction.
When the building where the branch stands was being built, some dumb architect decided that a four story building on top of soft, fake land is awesome. So he built a four story building, and it was completed until all that is left to do is interior decorating and painting. About a day after painting has begun, the foundation began to crack and break away, and in turn the support columns collapsed. The building was destroyed, burying painters and decorators inside.
Instead of searching for the buried workers in the pile of rubble, the architect wanted to open his store right away, so he ordered some workers to clear out the rubble and then build another building, this time he reduced the building to two stories high. The building was a success, however, because of its history, people were afraid of renting the building, because they think the building is haunted by the ghosts of the dead, buried workers. Only one company, Starbucks coffee, is ballsy enough to put up a branch there.
So if you go there, don’t be surprised if a face forms in your cappuccino foam, or if there’s constant wailing below the foundation. Mind you, it’s part of the ambience.
Not pictured: A creepy face.
Ah, Baguio. The summer capital of the Philippines, since it’s the only inhabited place in the country that has an average temperature of 10C. The city was once occupied by tribes, mainly the Igorots. When Americans went up the mountains and decided to build malls and establishments there, the tribes disagreed. Since Americans needed the space, they forced their buildings in by shooting and killing the tribesmen. Those who survived went away from the city, only to come back a few years later.
Why is it creepy?
Teacher’s camp is occupied by more than 70 people each week. That’s probably gonna save you from any tribal ghosts right? Wrong. It is rumored that the ghosts of the natives dance to some invisible groove at night. If you stay there at Teacher’s camp for a night, you’re not going to sleep, because outside there’s a whole tribal dance party going on. However, once you step out of your tent, you’ll find nothing, and the music stops.
8. Capiz, Aklan
Capiz has been hailed as the “Aswang capital of the Philippines”. In case you’re not Filipino, “aswang” is the term for a vampire, or a monster, or whatever. It’s usually characterized by a devilish look with wings and favors the taste of animal meat. Usually any animal they could find. It is theorized, however, that they also eat human carcasses.
Why is it creepy?
They already have detailed reports of aswangs roaming around the whole province. There have been numerous reports of animal corpses, from chickens to cows to dogs littered around the town, with strange bite marks that are from an unknown predator. Most people blame it on the aswangs, however some blame it on wild wolves (since the whole province is forested). Also, there are reports of people turning up missing in the night, and never to be seen again. Perhaps there is a reason why they made a festival for the aswangs in their neighborhood.
Pictured above: An aswang, during the day.
7. SM Mall of Asia
One of the most overhyped malls in the Philippines; the SM Mall of Asia is the third largest shopping center in Asia (after being beaten by some big-ass Chinese mall). Like the Starbucks branch, SM Mall of Asia is conveniently built on top of reclaimed land. More than 850 meters of solid steel and concrete. In soft, fake land.
To overcome this problem, the smart-ass architects of SM Moa decided to limit the whole facility to just two floors. The only thing that’s going to go through two stories would be the IMAX theatre and the indoor parking lots. Also, a huge outdoor plaza splits the middle of the mall, probably to make sure that the land doesn’t break upon its weight above.
Why is it creepy?
Um, hello? This is a really huge structure chilling on top of reclaimed land. Increase the weight with the thousand people hanging out in the mall every hour, and tons of material objects inside and you have a massive structure. The land below is struggling to hold the weight, and any minute now the landmass would break, sink and/or collapse, which will kill and bury at least a thousand people inside the mall. Let’s hope the IMAX theatre will be spared.
Imagine something as big as this sinking.
The University of Santo Tomas boasts being the oldest existing education institution and university in the Philippines. It was founded by a group of Dominican priests, who, according to history books and Jose Rizal’s Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo, are known to be bunch of priests who act like dicks. They ignore most rules and laws a priest should obey, such as not boning and not murdering people. The University of Santo Tomas, while serving as a university for privileged people, was also a torture house for natives who were falsely accused of shit they didn’t do, such as boning a Spanish woman, killing a Spaniard, and simply being a native. The priest killed them for fun, and their excuse for such dickery was that the natives were sinners and they were sacrificed to God. Yeah, just like pagans.
Four decades after Uncle Sam liberated the Philippines from the Spaniards, the Japanese occupied the nation. They destroyed all outside communication of the Filipinos, and killed anybody who thought of disobeying the Puppet government. The University of Santo Tomas was used as an execution palace during the Japanese occupation. Thousands of American and Philippines soldiers who were captured were jailed inside the university were they were tortured to forms like pulling razor hooks from your skin to kicking your balls repeatedly with cleats. After all the torture and humiliation, the prisoners were beheaded, using toilets. A goddamned toilet. Imagine those things pulling your head off and some retarded Japanese dude flushes it down. Ok they don’t pull your head off. The Japs simply cuts your head off with a quick karate chop and pop goes out your noggin.
Why is it creepy?
After the World War II, the whole university was back from its original “turning people in smartasses” form. However, through the years there have been reports of ghosts and supernatural behavior in the university. There have been tales of doppelgangers, headless priests and soldiers, and lights turning on and off. There were also creepy ladies in white and horsemen murdering students from their beds. Also, there were reported instances of skulls floating in toilet seats.
So, if you visit UST and decided to take a shit, please do it somewhere else. Pay respect for the head that has been severed in the toilet instead.
5. Intramuros
Intramuros is known as the “Walled city” or the palace of the Spanish government of the Philippines when the Spaniards occupied the country. True to its name, Intramuros’s perimeter is covered with high, stone walls, probably built to keep natives from going inside the fortress. Intramuros was the home of government officials and monasteries, where the officials spend their time boning native prostitutes and the monks practice how to be gay.
Like the University of Santo Tomas, Intramuros was the home of execute-happy friars. Those who question the Spanish government and the church or are just fun targets of a trip to the garrote are killed for fun. They were either locked up and left to rot in dungeons below the city, or served a quick death through the use of the garrote. During the Japanese occupation, Intramuros was bombed and was used for execution purposes also, this time, your executor is speaking Japanese, not Spanish.
Why is it creepy?
It’s almost the same as the University of Santo Tomas, although Intramuros is much darker than UST. The whole place is very dark at night and is dimly lit by a couple of lampposts that are a hundred feet away from each other. And those light bulbs repeatedly flicker without any apparent reason. Also, if you think you have balls of steel like Duke Nukem’s, I suggest you explore the underground catacombs of Intramuros at night, and see if you encounter any native zombies down there. It’ll be fun, believe me.
4. PhilSports Stadium (ULTRA)
During Febuary 4, 2006, ABS-CBN’s early afternoon show Wowowee held its first anniversary at the PhilSports Stadium, which was scheduled to start at 1pm. To make the event more interesting, the show planned to give away jeepneys, cars, and a million dollars to lucky ones who would be chosen in the foresaid event. About 30,000 people were seated in the football stadium, which was the viewing point for those who cannot enter the basketball stadium, which is supposedly where the event will be held. Those 30,000 people are usually low-life douchebags and retards who think they can win a million dollars just by showing up in front of millions and answering some stupid question they don’t know shit about. Also, about twenty thousand or so of these “viewers” camped outside ULTRA at least five hours before the event.
When ABS-CBN began admitting people into the basketball stadium, those who legally bought their tickets and were not douchebags were first to be ushered in. Those who stole tickets and are douchebags were picked last. Those who are douchebags but did not steal tickets however, were stopped by security from entering. Due to the usual “OMG HOLY SHIT A MILLION BUCKS” syndrome that every idiot seems to possess, those who were kept from entering the event did unconventional methods of forcing themselves inside like a dick – pushing, shoving, kicking people in the balls, and screaming relentlessly at security to let them in and making up a story about their mother dying in coma. Finally, some mentally retarded f*ckwad decided to be a huge dick and yelled that he found an armed bomb in the middle of the waiting line. And since Pinoys hated being blasted to bits by explosive, regardless if they are true or not, they panicked and began to shove their way out of the building. Those who didn’t see it coming were shoved to the ground, where they were stepped on their balls multiple times by men, women, and children alike. About 71 people were killed and 392 were injured because of the incident. Wowowee was immediately suspended for two months before it reopened again.
Pictured above: The object misinterpreted as an explosive.Why is it creepy?
There have been unproven reports of security guards in buildings opposite the ULTRA building that voices and moaning can be heard from the street. One security guard narrated that he found bodies of men, women and children lying helplessly on the street, crying for help at night. There were about 71 of them, according to the security guard.
This is not the only case of stampedes in the Philippines that are caused by a mentally retarded douchebag. I have heard of a tale about a cockpit coliseum stampede that killed 90 people. Also, there are reports of ghosts clinging into vehicles of unsuspecting motorists who happens to travel alone along the coliseum’s road, but it has been unproven, deemed false and “Weird as shit”.
3. Mt. Cristobal, Quezon-Laguna
Ok, since my fingers are getting tired, I’m going to copy pasta some info from Pinoy Mountaineer:
Countless legends surround Mt. Cristobal. With its summit taking on a characteristic 'W' shape, like that of stealth bomber, it is flanked by the grander Mt. Banahaw to its northeast, and together, they figure prominently in folklore. For instance, it is said that while Mt. Banahaw is a holy mountain, Mt. Cristobal is the "Devil's mountain", and the two mountains possess good and evil energies that cancel out. The primeval forests of Cristobal, decked with ferns and thorny plants, culminating in its ancient crater, seem to fit the bill of an eerie mountain. Furthermore, there are tales of voices or apparitions, such as the creature called 'Tumao', waylaying mountain climbers; many hiking groups have their own "ghost stories" to tell. Even locals believe these stories; some guides say they have amulets to counteract the negative energy.
These legends notwithstanding, there is no reason to be afraid of Mt. Cristobal. Its forests are pristine, with a splendid array of flora that include giant pakpaklawin, varicolored flowering plants, rattan, etc. Two types of civet cats, the musang and the animus, roam freely in the forests. There are also reptile species, including those locally known as the bubuli and the balikakas.
One of my relatives climbed Mt. Banahaw before, but they didn’t have the balls to climb Mt. Cristobal. Probably because their guide warned them that some faggot with bat wings will crawl into their tents at night and suck off their gonads. Or something.
Why is it creepy?
There are plenty of stories to tell about Mt. Cristobal, and it’s best to just follow them. Unless you want some faggot with bat wings to suck your balls at night. That would be creepy, not to mention humiliating.
Ok, so this proves there is a homosexual monster lurking around the mountain.2. Manila Film Center
It’s the creepy Parthenon inspired building that is located around the corner of the Cultural Center Complex in Roxas Boulevard, Pasay City. Imelda Marcos, the First Lady of the Marcos Administration, supervised the construction of this huge building so Europeans and Americans alike will hold the International Film Festival in the Philippines. Originally, Imelda, with her meth-powered imagination, planned to construct the pillars of the building using coconut husks, in an attempt to merge Philippine and Greek architecture. Thankfully, the architects convinced her that her plan was too f*cking stupid and decided to settle with lame, boring marble and concrete.
The construction went well until November 17, 1981, during the pouring of the second layer of cement over the foundation. The high scaffolding that kept the workers from being plummeted to the floor below by gravity collapsed, sending the unfortunate workers to the yet-to-be dried cement below. Others were impaled on the steel scaffolding. The impaled bodies were recovered, but those who fell into the wet cement were too late to be saved and were immortalized in the cement.
Probably what happened in the accident, only inverted.The surviving workers urged Marcos to stop building operations and excavate the bodies of the buried workers, but Imelda pushed the construction and ordered the workers to just pour another layer of cement over the bodies. Finally, the building was finished, however, the story of the collapse quickly spread throughout the Philippines, even when SMS and Twitter wasn’t even around yet. The supposed to be guests of the Film Center was shocked by the news and decided to just hold the Film Festival in another boring place in Europe.
The Film Center still stands today, and is now known as the “Amazing Philippine Theatre” according to the banners posted in front of the building. The haunted building now attracts Korean honeymooners to watch the Philippine’s prettiest gays. Faggots are probably enough to scare the ghosts away.
Why is it creepy?
Can you please reread the last four paragraphs?
Once you’re done, you’ll know what I should be writing here. If not, you shouldn’t even be reading this article.
There have been reports of ghosts and apparitions around and inside the Film Center, mainly the workers buried in the cement foundation, begging those alive to find them and give them a proper burial. Who wouldn’t hate to be buried below a gay bar?
1. Corregidor, Bataan
Corregidor Island stands as the landmark for one of the bloodiest battles in WWII Pacific. It is at least 48 kilometers from Manila. The island is formed in the shape of a tadpole, or sperm, or something.
First, it was a small island wherein the Spaniards built a lighthouse in order to guide ships that are moving around Manila Bay. After the Philippines were liberated by the Americans, the island was renovated into an American outpost to watch intruders that are approaching Manila bay. There are deployments of American weaponry like cannons and mounted machineguns on the island, some of them are still intact today in their original form.
In WWII, the Japanese eliminated all American and Filipino forces that are opposing them in Luzon. After the Fall of Bataan in April 9, 1942, the only resistance of Uncle Sam left in the Philippines is garrisoned at Corregidor Island, awaiting the hammer to hit their balls.
A few days later, the Japanese assaulted the island. The first wave was mostly Japanese airplanes bombing the area and kamikazee’ing as a distraction to let the naval forces in. The second wave carried the thousands of infantry that will raise hell on the island. Against those waves are less than a thousand American soldiers, along with a few Filipino grunts who are good bullet absorbers.
The Americans were powerless and outnumbered against the Japanese. There were just too many people who talk like “ching chang chong” attacking them that the Americans are forced to grab their rifles and shoot themselves. The Americans were armed with cannons, howitzers, anti-aircraft flak cannons, miniguns, and other advanced weaponry of the time, but the Japanese were just too freaking many. It’s like Left 4 Dead, 4 against 100. Adjusted to inflation, the Corregidor battle was 400 to 1000. Also, the zombies are armed with guns and are a little more protected against bullets.
Finally, the Americans were overpowered and were forced to surrender. Most of them were tortured by the Japanese in gruesome manners that I shouldn’t even think of. They were killed and the bodies are dumped in the water, or buried.
However, all hope is not lost. Finally, Gen. Douglas MacArthur obtained balls of steel and decided to go back to the Philippines and kick some Japanese ass. He landed in Leyte and began rescuing Filipinos from Japanese deadly cock-grip up north, until the last of the Japanese were eliminated and were forced to retreat back to their home. Then the Americans pushed the two big red buttons that nuked Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The Japanese surrender, ending WWII.
Why is it creepy?
Today, the island serves as a tourist attraction. The ruins are well preserved and the weaponry are displayed in a stylish manner that gives you an urge to fire those insane weaponry and hope that one of them fires a nuclear warhead powerful enough to destroy North Korea. However, there have been countless legends about apparitions and invisible presences in Corregidor at night. Though, they have been known to be “friendly” ghosts who died as heroes and rambos and intends to “give you a warm welcome and make you piss in your pants”. It’s very creepy nonetheless.
So here you go; the creepiest places in the Philippines. If you’re planning to visit one of these attractions, be sure to go in unarmed and alone, with a huge neon sign above your head with the word, “Dumbass”. I’m sure it’ll be a nice and exciting trek.
Pictured above: A dumbass.
