The Internet saves mankind: 5 ways technology helps us (with respective contrast disadvantages)

It seems that one of the most sought-after subject for a thesis or a term paper is anything pertaining to technology. You name it - cellphones, the Internet, video games - people write shit about them. The recent boom of technology to some is as annoying as an old hobo deciding to live with you in your home. Your first thought would be to kick that hobo out as soon as possible, unless you want look like a dopehead yourself.

Nevertheless, technology, despite Christian groups and your mother trying to forbid it, have always found ways to assist us in our daily nuisances, like:

5. The Internet helps you find something. Really fast.

Hey, if the Internet, together with search engines, didn't exist, then we'll go back to the good old days of having to go to a dust-filled library and find an old book about ancient knowledge of dickery. To give you a perspective of how this works, the process is simple: You go to the cabinet of catalogs with index cards for each book, search for the book you want according to title, author, subject, etc., then, once you're done, you find the book's location according to the information written on the card. Now this wasn't really very accurate. Some dicks might think it's awesome to switch books from their original places. Also, making a card for each and every book in a library is an extremely tedious process. Nobody in the world would enjoy sitting in a dark library all night, printing index cards for each of the 5,000 books sitting there. No, not even the nerds of WoW, they have their elves to level up everyday.

However...

Search engines today rely on the filenames of the files you search. So, if you search for photos of old men, there's a good chance you'll find an emotionally-tearing photo featuring three old gentlemen that we won't be talking about here. Luckily, efforts like SafeSearch have easened the problem by blocking sites that are known to be malicious.

4. The Internet gets you known worldwide.

The Internet has been an ideal place to show your wares. Whether if it is the next Picasso or your nude photo with your 300lb mother, the Internet can get your work on the road, usually without any additional costs. If you have a crack den business, it's better to post it on the Internet - after all, cops are too stupid to use computers, right? Whatver you've got, the Internet can help you shout it to the world.

However...

WTF? Again?

Let's make a list of the good and bad shit people can share online. Good shit include pornography (except the German kind), photos of hot women (also except the German kind), pirated software, and each other's arts and thoughts. Bad shit includes shit itself, German pornography, your mother's porno flicks, 16-year old attention whores on Facebook and /b/. Unless the Internet can magically filter the bad from the good, you have to be careful viewing stuff online. All kinds of stuff online can lead back to your mother, and we all know everything that came out of your mother is shit (yes, that includes YOU).


3. Technology has helped to make communication easier.

The above statement is the main excuse of the many technophilics against technophobes. Technology has made our processes of communicating with each other easier, from the invention of the paper (when people thought delivering heavy clay tablets was enough), to the invention of the telephone, to the invention of the Internet, technology has done its best to bridge the gap between everybody.

However...

During the olde times, the idea of pranking is some chap taking to stroll to your barn, steal your cow, then send you a letter telling that the monarchy took your cow because the king favored it over his fatter-than-a-cow queen. Days after you protest to the king, the prankster sends back your cow - with its body missing.

Today, you can just dial any number, and then, once a lonely voice speaks "Hello" on the other line, you can just fart on the headset and immediately replace the reciever, hoping that the speed of telecommunications can send your gaseous wastes in time. You can also sell "viagra and penis enhancing pills" online and, once a 500lb sucker with a 0.00001in dick gets reeled in, you can send him a kilogram of fresh texan cow shit. In case you're in the Philippines and not in Texas, you can deliver your sucker Fresh Filipino Squatter Shit instead, it's much, much worse than a Texan Cow's, believe me.

We know them nowadays as trolls.

2. Technology entertains us.

When motion picture was revolutionized in the early 20th century, everyone flocked to the magical, moving images on the silver screen. Today, people flock to Youtube, where they watch things go boom in microwaves and the failures of every random person on Earth. No matter how retarded something in the Internet is, it still always manages to make us laugh (especially if it involves your mother).

However...

I don't think there's anything wrong with technology entertaining us right? Well, except if you're the one being picked on.

1. Technology saved us.

Ok, not everytime. Rifles, tanks and nuclear weaponry aren't supposed to kill anybody, right? However, as long as the people they kill are shitheads, we don't really care.

Phones can help us call help in an instant, as long as the 911 operator isn't preoccupied with watching pornography involving your mother. You can defend yourself with easily-accessible firearms. Artifical Intelligence has proven that they protect people from an emergency situation quicker and better than retarded humanoids.

However...

What could possibly go wrong? (Read: Robots)

So mothers, please stop yelling that the Internet is such a bad place, we don't care about your 13-year old daughter camwhoring herself on the Internet. School instructors, please stop yelling cellphones are bad for education, we don't care if your students are not listening to you (because you're boring) and are content texting as the class goes on. Christian peoples, please stop yelling that technology is the evil Satan gave us, because (1) The Devil doesn't give a shit, (2) God uses the Internet and (3) you fail miserably.