Debunking the "Lady Gago - Poker Face" fail video

If you think this is a reaction post about some lame parody of Lady Gaga's Poker Face, stop, and exit this window. The video I am speaking of here is not the music video, nor a weird parody of it featuring homosexuals. This is about some "weird-out-of-this-world" fail video about some faggot who failed to understand the basic laws of physics.

Unfortunately, some 58 year old mothers flagged the video as inappropriate, causing Google to bury the video under failsoil forever. I just saw the video last night before going to sleep because somebody passed the video around on Facebook and I thought it would be awesome to watch and will guarantee that I'll have nightmares during my sleep.

Here's a narration of the video for those unfortunate to miss it:

The scene begins with some non-understandable Arabian text, signifying that the video was shot somewhere in the Middle East. After the 1-second text, a scene involving a pier with a group of people is seen. One of the men is crouched on the top of a higher platform, ready to jump into Davy Jones' below. He jumps, and successfully lands into the soft, comforting, and warm Arabian waters. After climbing up and catching up with his friends above the dock, one of his other friends felt that his friend who jumped was so badass and now he desires to be just like him. The friend takes off his top, climbs up the platform, and, forgetting to crouch like a frog to increase jumping distance, then leapt carelessly and slipped in the process. Instead of falling into the water below, he fell headfirst into the steel dock directly below the pier, and finally he falls into the water, motionless. The unfortunate one's friends in the pier above gasped in horror, with their faces painted with the expression of "WTF". Rescue authorities came later, and carried the seemingly lifeless body from the water, now red with blood from the man or because Moses has risen and placed his staff on the water.

After that fail, the scene is replaced to an operating room scene where the viewer is relieved to know that the unfortunate fellow is consciously alive and not dead. However, there is a problem. His face has been completely split in half. A huge crevasse crossed in his face's center meridian, removing his nose in the process. Unfortunately, due to the lack of lighting in Arabian hospitals, the victim's brain could not be seen, giving the hint that it probably got launched out of his head after the impact. Also, the "doctor" thought his patient's face was so adorable and cuddly, so he held his patient's cheeks and began to squeeze it in and out, much like a 5-year old squeezes her dolly's firm, plastic cheeks.

Yes, it's really uncomfortable to hear the words "split" and "face" in the same sentence, with a direct relation between the two. If you didn't see the video, here's how he looked like after his ordeal:

 Like this, but the face was split in half.

Viewer reactions

Most people, after watching the video, will be all sorts of "WTF" much like the unfortunate man's friends and will keep the lights on when they sleep lest a man with a split face comes at the foot of their bed at night. Only the ones with common sense will shake the video off as a hoax meant to mock the safety of docks in the Middle East and to tell people to not dive in piers, especially if you're in Saudi Arabia.

Why it's bullshit

Overall, the whole video is a hoax. Probably the first part with the jumping and face-planting with solid steel is real, but alas, the whole operating room scene is probably not. Here's that factors that proves the whole concept of still alive with a split face is fake:

1. The impact is so strong it destroyed the front of the skull.

After the ordeal, the man's facial interior is visible as if the skull parts covering it disappeared. They really did disappear, as the bones are not powerful enough to withstand a 30mph right-into-solid-one-meter-thick-steel drop. Which leads us to...

2. Salt water went inside the exposed brain and messed with everything.

Imagine you have a small cut on your finger. Try going to the beach and wash your wound with a few drops of salt water. It hurts quite a lot right? Now turn that cut into a huge split in your face and wash it with liters of sea water. How does that feel? Obviously, you won't feel anything, since (1) You're dead, and (2) Your brain already flew off, negating any nervous processes.

3. "Doctors" attending the patient

I think the doctors fail more than the patient who is mercilessly dying on top of their operating table. Instead of trying to calm down the patient, drowning him with anesthesia (which would be a waste because he doesn't have any nervous processes anymore), and begin healing/putting out of misery operations, one of the doctors grabbed the dying man's two dislocated cheeks and began to squeeze them together, probably in an attempt to "fix" the face by gluing the two parts of the head with Krazy Super Glue.

Pictured above: Only tool required to fix a split face.

Conclusion

Putting together the three points aforementioned above, we come with two conclusions:

1. The unfortunate man is already dead, or;
2. The whole thing never actually happened, and is based on a fail jihad for Islamity.

I wish to take the liberty to officially state that this video is blasphemy and deserves its banishment from the Internet. Those who oppose to my decision, raise your hands, and I'll take you to a Middle Eastern pier with a steel dock below. I'll then push you down, letting you faceplant hard into the solid steel dock, splitting your head in the process, get liters of salt water in your already empty noggin, and have "doctors" attend to you by squeezing your already destroyed cheeks.

Pic unrelated.