Legal matters: So-called "appropriation"

 WARNING: The following post is serious semi-serious. If you cannot comprehend serious and humor at the same time, I recommend you avert thy eyes before thy mind shalt asplode before thee.

So, let me get this straight. Most of my articles written around my blog are primarily composed of rants, opinions and satire that belongs to those "undesirable" and "inappropriate" for viewing for the church folks. Now that isn't really very alarming, seriously. Probably the only serious church folk that comes around here consists of only 0.00000001% of the total reader population of Sulatang Tapunan, and even if that number reaches a hundred percent, why does it even matter?

Ok, seriously, speaking like a man about this matter, WHO THE FUCK CARES.

This is MY blog. You (yes, you) are just the reader, the critic, the one to be entertained. If you are not entertained by my arts, go away. If you think they're offensive just because they counter your beliefs, go away. I mean, really, go away, nobody's keeping you from doing that. You're free to go and masturbate play along with other people of your kind. I've got other people, mostly of the sane and understanding types, who value what I write here and not the implications it will make on other people. There are people out there who actually read this, laugh, and feel entertained. It appears that you are not one of those people.

To be honest, this guy right here understands freedom more than you do.

Being that this blog is MINE, I am in control of whatever is posted in here. Not you. You do no have control over this blog. Nor you have any control of my mind. Or my fingers, or any part of my body that I use to express my thoughts (Fun fact: I can type with my toes, not just my fingers.)

I'm a freedom writer, and right now I can see that you do not understand the concept of freedom. Probably because you spent your years getting shoving instruments of worship up your arse in temples and getting bitchslapped by the clerics inside. You are living as slaves, and for that matter, I don't really care. If you like being bitchslapped, so be it. I hope you feel the same about my writing ethics. If I want to be offensive, so be it. I just hope you still have five functioning brain cells in order to understand.

It is also unethical to use your computer as a kite, but why should you care?

Why the pressure on freedom? It's just so absurd. It's freedom that allowed technology to flourish, which in turn created machines that helped man, and ideas to benefit the future. It created America, which is now today's center of commerce, technology, intellect, and many other things you didn't experience in your life because you were in your room all day with your head up your arse asking some guy up in the heavens for help.

What you probably do most of the time.

I don't care if that guy in the heavens is real, but if he is, tell him I said hello and that I gave him the finger for not effectively controlling his follower's obsession of being his bitches. I live in democracy, and I'm just practicing my right of expression and speech. If you prefer living in an imaginary despot's world, so be it, go on, live in your miserable little world.

Oh, look! I'm offensive! I'm going straight to hell! Oh sweet! I hope they have nice accomodations there for my arse, for I prefer my arse being pampered like a king all the time!

Some poetry to read while you're fuming there:

For the wise man does not think
Under other people's beliefs but rather
Continue to create and believe his own and refuse to
Kneel in the belief of others.
Yet most men are not wise, for they
Only believe in what others say and become
Under one entity or another.

Let the serious debate begin! Oh, and if you can't see the comments section because your head is up your ass again and asking the heavens to smite me with impractical lightning, it's right below this post. Be as narrow-minded and biased as possible to your beliefs - I dare you! But once you post, you're there for life, and no chance of self-deletion will save you from the mighty screencap. And if you're a coward, you can report this post being offensive, but I'll laugh at your futile attempts at trying to save your already unstable beliefs by clinging on to freedom of speech (when you're already trying to destroy it).

Catholic school introduces its latest innovation: Cockgrips!

Ah, what a pleasant day here at the quaint, quiet school. I'm just minding my business here, all alone with a few books, English, Math and one titled, 'How to piss on a urinal while sitting on it'. I turn my head to my right and see a very gorgeous girl, all dressed in the conservative uniform for high school girls of the school. Relying on basic human social instinct, I open my mouth to introduce myself, when suddenly some nasty voice screeched behind me and overtook me before I spoke. Suddenly I felt something gripping my crotch - oh shit - it's a cockgrip! I now writhe and roll on the floor groaning and screaming in pain as this inhuman metal instrument force over 9000 pounds of pressure into my pen0r.

That, my friends, is a verbatim statement of your typical student after the implementation of sticking spiky metal rings into every man's dick that steps foot in the school, causing unimaginable pain and a new wave of "dick of steel" jokes.

Latest innovation in dong suppression.

The Idea

At some evil lair...

Sister 1: We've got a problem.

Sister 2: Don't we ever not have any?

Sister 1: Shut up. It's about our student's convulsive public display of affection.

Sister 3: Yet again.

Sister 1: Yes, and this time, it gets worse. It seems that they performed such malicious acts on our Foundation Day. On our Foundation Day!

Sister 2: Such malice!

Sister 1: And it is one of those days, when their parents come to the campus to watch our extremely boring exhibits!

Sister 2: The implications this would cause! Surely they would think we raised their children to be become raging sex machines as adults?

Sister 3: We need to do something about this immediately. Rules would be unnecesary. I think we need to apply some physical force. Any ideas?

Sister 1: Beating the shit out of them when they come five inches between each other would sound good.

Sister 2: No, that would violate their inexistent human rights. Let's try nagging them to death with our sermons.

Sister 3: That didn't even work. Why don't we threaten their parents instead?

Random passing retard: I love cockrings!

Sister 1: Yes, that's it! Cockrings! We'll use cockrings to supress them!

Sister 2: We are agreed. Cockrings, then. (Evil laugh)

Summed up (for those of you who does not understand American humor), what the administrators the schoolwould like to propose is to implement metal spikes to be worn by any male with a wang going inside the campus. Even those fat dudes who have dongs that barely reach an inch in length are not safe, MicroRings, as they have called it, are developed for the men with almost no dick.

The implementation of such horrid instruments would immensely supress the sexual thoughts and desires of any man, regardless of sexuality, walking inside the campus. Even a semi-boner would bring your wood to a "phallus-inspired" iron maiden hell.

Above: Installing the Cockgrip on an unsuspecting visitor.

Mass Production

More than 5,000 cockrings were built in the course of one week, thanks to the unsuspecting force of 5-year old orphans whom the sisters dragged away from the streets in order to work in dirty factories filled with rats and slave drivers. 4,000 of these rings were built for normal sized wangs, 500 built for those rated as "Dongzilla" size, and 500 for those under the miniature scale.

Actual photo of the production.

The cockrings will be distributed by various security guards who will shove these metal instruments of doom to every student passing by, even if they are female. These rings are not disposable and are to be worn by the student for the rest of the school year. Those who misplace their cockring will be prohibited from graduation and promotion rites.

Conclusion

If you're a nympomaniac, or would like to have your dong sent to near death trauma for the rest of your lifetime, head over a catholic school! You don't have to enroll or sign anything, just bring your john along! It will be fun, I'm sure, realizing that every part of your body is granted rights of protection, except for your wood!

Above: Video footage of a student being retrofitted with the innovative Cockgrip.

Aldo writes for the sake of the right of expression and does not hesitate to say what he has to say to anybody, regardless of whom that anybody is and his/her authority over the people! If you've got something to say about his writing, raise your hand and speak up, nigga!

4 things you probably shouldn't do on the Internet

Let's face it, the Internet is very much like a post-apocalyptic world at the safety of your own machine. Everyone lives at their own regret, and nobody cares almost about anything except themselves. You know that "friend" who just invited you recently on Facebook? That's just the friendly neighborhood serial pedophile-slash-rapist-slash-Internet predator.

Typical Internet user.

You might go out and say, but the Internet is such as nice place! No, it's not. Perhaps yes, if you limit your activities to playing boring games such as Farmville, but when your activities expands to 4chan, Wikipedia, and MySpace, you and your Internet life can get killed easily in over 9000 ways possible and impossible at the same time by 500-pound nerds-slash-cyberbullies-slash-WoW players who spend their daily and nightly lives in front of their undergraded computers. Certain safety measures are to be observed, and the most crucial of them are here:

4. Posting too much personal information

The Internet is a place where people primarily does not care about stuff about other people. You go to that school? Who cares. You live over there? We don't give a horse's ass. You just read the whole Twilight saga? You have just reached the point that even Jesus doesn't care.

Well who does care? This could be one of your friends (whom you have met and befriended personally in real life of course) and/or your typical friendly neighborhood serial pedophile-slash-rapist-slash-Internet predator.

This guy. Yeah, that's him.

Keep in mind that when you post personal information over at sites like Facebook, it is possible that people (by default is your first-degree friends) can see them clearly. You might ask, "What's wrong with my friends seeing my address and sexual orientation?"

Take a good, hard look at your friends list and count those who you have met personally in real life. The average Facebooker has about 67 in 100. The 67 people might be okay to be viewing your personal information, but what about the other 33 who you just invited to be your friend just for the sake of giving you energy packs in Mafia Wars or as neighbors on Farmville? Can you guarantee that they'll just see your information and say, "What the hell, this is just some common, uninteresting person on the Internet whom nobody cares about"? One of them could see your address, go to your flat, and God knows what would happen.

3. Being overemotional

As a general rule stated earlier, the Internet does NOT care about what you feel about things, provided that they are about your personal life. If your boyfriend dumped you, we don't care. If your mother just committed suicide because your father ate your 3-year old sister and cheated on his wife over 9000 times (and presumably raped you too), you have again reached the point where Jesus does not care.

Your mom just died? Well, okay...Next prayer please!

Of course, there are two forms of emotion in the Internet: emotive and overemotive. Here is an example of an emotive statement.

My girlfriend just dumped me, but I don't really care. No really, no need for tears or anything, there's plenty of other girls out there, I just need to find the right one. Peace out.

Notice the sense of emotion in the statement. It is moderated and controlled, and that's good. Now here's the same statement, only this time, it's gay emo overemotive.

MY GIRLFRIND JUS DUMPEDM E!!!11 That BITCH!!!111!!one! :(( D: THAT SON OF A BITCH NW BOYFRIEND OF HER S IS GON DIE!!!11!! x(( AND WHILE I'M THERE, I'M JUST GONNA GO KILL MYSELF...!!!11!!!1 :(( :(( :( x(

Notice the difference between the two statements. On the first statement, the act of expressing emotion over the subject is moderated and controlled in a very civilized manner. However, on the latter, the emotion flows out like a volcanic eruption, or a shitstorm carried by some tsunami in Indonesia or something. Also, notice how the writer of the second statement loves the Caps Lock and his obsession with exclamation points (while failing to input them correctly) and smileys.

Keep in mind that being overemotional on the Internet does not only lay on the lines of personal conflicts and problems. You can also go overemotional if you, let's say, go on a cybertantrum, AKA repeatedly yelling why Farmville is on maintenance when you really need to harvest those weed you just planted.

2. Discussing serious subjects (religion, race, etc.) on social networking sites

Social networking sites composes primarily of many different kinds of people: the first one being teenage girls while the second being sociopaths pretending to be teenage girls. Both have almost or no grasp of reality and the world's most serious issues. Hell, they don't even know what serious means.

This looks serious enough.

But whatever you do, do NOT post anything serious on Facebook, or any social networking site for that manner, or even Twitter. Try using a forum that welcomes serious debate, such as Pointless Waste of Time, where all remaining real people with real minds and logic reside and discuss about many different topics. No sociopaths and teenage girls to ruin your day.

1. Posting indecent photos of yourself

You probably got drunk one way or another in your lifetime, whether during your angsty teenage years in high school or in your last dying breath and effort to gulp down the last bottle of whisky down your already dying system. Oh, the memories! What did you do after such an ordeal? Was it lay down on the sidewalk trying to sober yourself? Get behind the wheel and perform a nine-car pileup? No? Was it taking photos of yourself and post it somewhere where every dumbass with the Internets can see it? Yes? Well, good job, mate! You just gave yourself the title of "World's Smartest Retard"!

A failed miserable attempt at attaining the title of "World's Smartest Retard".

What's wrong with getting drunk and spreading a visual memory of it around the world? The problem is, once your butt-ugly shot of you wasted on the floor with dick marks all over your face exits your computer's hard drive and into one of Facebook's corrupted photo servers, everyone you considered as your friend on the said social networking site will be able to see it. Oh, you just remembered it was there? Go ahead and delete it, quickly! Whoops! Too late! They already saved it on their respective hard drives and are ready to spread the word (ahem, digitalized photographic memory) to those poor souls who are too illiterate to use the Internet!

A presumed photo of a poor soul who is too illiterate to use the Internet (and to speak English)

Note that being drunk is not the only ground for indecency. Nudity and violence are also grounds for indecency, but if you are a pornstar or a sociopath you're probably fine. Hell, even Photobombs and poorly shopped pictures can attain the tag of being indecent for thine eyes of public.

My eyes! They burn!

What you could do instead: