On a side note, I thought up about a new list. This one is a little short, because I'm running out of ideas and I'm afraid that making things up won't be healthy for my current track record. There are just things that are plain useless if you bring it to the Philippines. Things like...
3. An HDTV
A High-Defenition TV (or HDTV) is a television screen that is capable of displaying and receiving high definition signal, which is butt-ton crisp picture and sound, or in layman's terms, either 720p or 1080p.
Much like gun and muscle size, the size of your HDTV is inversely proportional to your dick size.
Like in the USA, HDTVs are very popular in the Philippines. Go to any well-known consumer electronics store and there's a high chance that you'll see a huge-ass LED TV that you can't afford behind the glass displays. After using your child's college savings and a loan from the mafia (which you pay in blood a month later), you buy the HDTV, bring it to your home, and find out that yes, it does display HD signals, but can it receive them?
As of now, there are no HD signal providers in the Philippines. Those who claim that they have HD signal are false. Why is this so? Because for every 250 or so people with TVs, only 10 of them have HDTVs.
So why would cable providers deliver digital HD signals when almost everybody is using the century-old technology of CRT? And remember "bunny-ear" antennas? That shit is popular in the Philippines.
This shit is popular!
2. A sports car
Cars can deliver hints about your personality to other people. Driving an old Beetle around marks you as a hobo, a Prius means you're a tree-hugging mom, and a sports car of any make marks you as a douche. And what is a more better way to let people know that you're a douche by running down the streets at eighty miles and hour and watching the streetchildren playing in the asphalt jump away Die Hard style to narrowly escape death?
Much like this, but with kids.
It's hilarious. If you can get your sports car to run that fast in Philippine roads that is.
Most foreigners and speed demons come to the Philippines for the country has a pretty shitty traffic enforcement system. By spending the money that could have been used for radar and speed cameras to take down speeders for something else, most people are running down the streets at full speed, only slowing down everytime the stereotypical eighty year old lady crosses the street at a snail's pace. Then everything would go like Fast and the Furious again, minus good looking cars.
This could be yours!
Why minus good looking cars? Aren't we driving in sports cars, you know, the Lambos, and Ferraris that make you look like an Italian douchebag? Well, just so you know that the Philippines has one of the shittiest roads to drive your car into, and travelling in countryside roads that are covered in fresh, well-made carabao shit. And they bake their freshly harvested rice under the sun, presumably to kill off any dirty stuff clinging to the grain. Of course you'd enjoy running that over, but when you do, think about the children who could have eaten that pile of rice.
But then again, you don't have to.
Oh, and don't forget about this:
Yep, that pretty much sums it all up.
1. A really fast computer
The Philippines is not really known for blazing fast computers. Sure, thanks to Intel desperately trying to stay in the Philippines like Rambo trying to survive in Vietnam, we have the latest in processor technology here, mainly the new Intel Core i7, i5, and i3 series. But go to a common computer shop down the street and you'll notice that these computers still use processors older than the fourth generation of Pentium processors. That's right, computers in the Philippines are stuck in the late 90's.
Technology!
While not all computers in the country are shit, you can still buy or build yourself a pretty awesome machine. i7s are on sale on the Philippine computer market, and so does new graphics cards and the like for your custom gaming machine. If you don't like to build one yourself, Dell can sell you Alienware computers that equal as beastly gaming machines.
But what if you just bought or built yourself a powerful computer? What are you going to do with it? If you're going for gaming, what game are you going to play? Prepare to be nostalgic, because you'll find out that the most popular game in the Philippines is the infamous Defense of the Ancients, or DoTa as it is more commonly known.
An average DoTA player, in his prime state of concentration.
DoTa, in case you do not know (which is good), runs on the particularly old Warcraft III engine. And the Warcraft III engine runs on the twelve year old DirectX 7 technology. Now imagine yourself that you bought a computer like this:
Technology.
In hopes that you and your friends can play something like this:
Technology!
But be disappointed to find out that they play only this:
Technology?
You get the picture.
